Hahaha, how often do I feel like this?

Elisabeth Catlin Brunnig, Paul Anthony Tolvo, Barbara Sue Umpleby, Rachel Marie Hehre, Thomas Michael Coulter, Ryan Alan Webster, Ian Taylor Nugent, Owen Michael Nugent, Michael Joseph Tolvo, Micah Benjamin Gibson, Angel Meeks, Bridgette Marie Coulter, this is for you.

Except, don't forget it. <3

I'm so proud of you..

image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kathrynaaker/41322000/

I'd Give Up Forever to Touch You.

Let's start with your name: Phoebe Noel Villalobos

Current Marital Status: Single. <3

What's your significant other's name? I don’t have one.

Sex before marriage? Yes or No: No.

Are you a virgin? Yes, ma’am!

Do you like the way you look? Most of the time.

Why or why not? Because this is how Christ made me, and I’m not going to complain about His creation.

Would you kill for chocolate? Ahhah, I don’t really like chocolate.

Do you have an eating disorder? Nope.

Do you wish you were someone else? No, not really.

Any crushes? Yess. <3

What's your favorite color? Purple.

Who is your best friend? Elisabeth Catlin Brunnig.

Do you like the city or country better? Either is fine.

Do you want to get married? Yes, please!

How old are you now? 17 1/2, sir.

When do you want to get married? After 20, before 25

Do you like children? Yes!

Do you want children? Indeed I do.

How many? 3-5.

Have you ever talked about marriage with someone? Hahahah, not seriously.

Think it will carry through? Pfft. Highly doubtful.

What's your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper. :D

What's your favorite food? So many...

Favorite kind of ice cream? Turtle.

Fav. thing to do on a rainy day? Roll up in a blanket and read.

How about a sunny day? Swimm!

What about when you're sick? Watch movies. :)

Perfect guy? One who is totally and completely for Christ.

Perfect relationship? With the guy that I mentioned above. Ahah..

Believe in love at first sight? Maybe lust at first sight.

Who calls you the most? Ryan Alan Webster. But not so much anymore.

Who do you call the most? Mom!

Currently lost respect for someone or something? Yeahh.

Who or what and why? :\

Have regrets? Only a few.

Do you see yourself in a relationship in the next week? Nope.

How about the next year? I doubt it.

I'm Letting Go, Even Though It's Hard.

"No. No, you can’t! STOP. Please don’t go away. Please? No one’s ever stuck with me for so long before... And-and I look at you, and I-I’m home. Please, I don’t want that to go away. I don’t want to forget."


I feel like Dory. I don't want to forget you. You're such a wonderful person. I remember things about you that I don't remember about other people. I notice the little things about you that I don't see in anyone else. I've never looked at anyone the way I look at you, never wanted to be around someone the way I want to be around you, never been able to cry so freely in front of anyone the way I can cry in front of you.

Okay. I'm done. I won't forget you, but it's time for me to let you go. It's time for me to seek Christ alone. I'll still look at you with that shine in my eye, I'll still want to be around you the way I always do, and I'll still cry in front of you if I need someone to cry on. But I'm not pushing this anymore. I love you. <3 Maybe someday it'll work out, and maybe it never will.


That's up to God, not me.

Letting go is harder than I thought it would be.

Sigh. <3

I Creep. :)

Are you single? Maaaybe. ;) Ahha, yes.

What is your favorite color? Purple

What do you like in the opposite sex? How mature they are in Christ is the most attractive thing. :) Also their sense of humor, and their lovely smile.

Where do you shop at? Anywhere that has clothes that fit me.

Who is your celebrity crush? William Moseley. :)

Would you rather play on the xbox or wii? Xbox, babyy.

Do you smoke/drink? No, I'm underage and smoking is gross.

What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. <3

Do you have siblings? No way. ;)

How many? Ahha, I was jp, I have 5.

What sounds like a good night to you? With the bestfriends. :)

Who is your bestfriend? Humans, I can't name just one.

What is the one thing you can’t go a day without? Christ.

Are you a backstabber? Nopee.

Who do you want to be like most when you grow up? My Mom. :D

Have you ever mooned anyone? Nopee.

Do you go to church? Sundays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays!

Hollister or abercrombie? Do I look like I care? 'Cause I don't. ;)

If you had one wish, what would it be? Infinite wishes!

Is there a song stuck in your head? Yess.

What is it? Hold Us Together by Matt Maher

Have you ever stolen anything? Yes. D:

Mcdonalds or burger king? BK :)

One word that discribes you: Listener.

What’s your favorite pick up line? "You should check the ten commandments, it's a sin to steal." "What? What did I steal?" "My heart!"

I'm So Confused.

You don't sound fine. Do I ask if you're really fine? Do I back off and wait for you to admit that it's not really fine? Do I stop texting you? Do I rattle off my favorite bible verse? Do I just say "I love you"? What do I do?

People, listen. If you have a problem that needs discussing, freaking tell me. Unless you honestly don't want to talk about it. I'm getting really confused by the different reactions I get to asking "how are you?" Some people want me to keep asking if it's "really okay", and some people want me to shut up and not ask anymore.

I understand if you don't want to talk, I do. And I also understand saying "I'm fine" but really wanting someone to look me in the eye and ask if I'm lying. I do that quite often. Luckily, I have a friend who knows when I'm lying and calls me out on it. I'm really bad at this though, I'm sorry I can't be as good at it as he is.

I do like to listen to you. Ever since I've been able to push my past out from in front of me, I've been thinking this is what God wants me to do, listen to people and pray for them, maybe even go down the path of counseling one day. I'm not bragging, but I am a great listener. I love listening and trying to help in any way I can. God's given me empathy and I'll cry with you if you're sad or laugh if you're feeling funny, or even be angry with you if you're justifiably angry.

I love you. Let me help you if you want help. Don't just say "I'm fine".

Love Will Hold Us Together

I love hugs. I don't care if you're not a hugging person, I don't care if you think it's awkward, I'm going to give you one anyway. I know, I've been conformed. But what better way is there to show a friend you love them than coming up behind and giving them a really big squeeze? Ah. :)

Speaking of love, how come we as Christians sometimes have such a problem showing Christ's love? I've been talking to a friend about how closeted some of us can be, me included. It's like we have a problem with stepping out of our bubbles and say "hey you! I love you!" Like someone's going to think we're freaks if we walk up and say hi to a new person.

I am personally no good at this. I'm naturally a quiet person, most of the time. I do love people and being around them, they energize me, but going up to someone alone is very awkward for me. If I'm in a group of people I know and there's a new person, I have no trouble talking to them.

My people, the ones I'm close enough with to hug, are like my security blanket. It's hard to step outside of that. But I need to, we need to. This world's cold! Everyone should have someone that runs up behind them and gives a big squeeze.

...and I'll be my brother's keeper, so the whole world will know that we're not alone.

I haven't been giving credit for the photos that have been on here. Except for the picture of Betsy, none of them were taken by me! Oops. I find most of my photos by creeping on people's tumblrs, though, so they're fine. This one however, was taken from http://www.flickr.com/photos/31297190@N05/3169292501/

Think! It Does Wonders.

How many of us think things through before we do them? I can honestly say, not me. I see so much of this every day. There are people who get themselves into really hard dilemmas that could have been avoided if they had just stopped to think for a moment.

Oh sure, we think things through after we're deep in trouble. This is where the introspective thinking kicks in and we look and all the factors and most likely go "oops, I shouldn't have done that". It's only when we're caught between two people or when we're so deep in an addiction or in our feelings that we realize "hey, that probably wasn't a good idea". Then it's too late. Whatever we've done has a hold on us and it can be so hard to climb back out.

In the lives surrounding me I see falling in love too quickly, cutting, depression, best friendships falling apart... all because no one stopped to think. I happen to be in one of these quandaries right now, so don't think I'm dissing anyone. I definitely could have avoided where I am now, if Ii had kept my eyes on Christ and watched where I was stepping.

I love my life. But I could have done without the things I've done that I didn't think about. Next time I need to think things through and keep my eyes on the prize.

Longgg Survey

What’s your favorite feature of the last person who held your hand?
The last person... it was totally a joke, but his laugh. :)

Be honest, do you miss anyone?
Rightt now! Maybe see you tomorrow?

Anything bothering you at the moment?
Yess :/

Will tomorrow be better than today?
I hope so!

Are you the youngest person living in your house?
Nope!

Do you ever think “what if” about anything?
Every single day.

Where is your phone right now?
On the table beside my bed.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed?
Maybe.

When was the last time you cried? And why?
Yesterday because yesterday was poop.

Hows your week been?
Pretty good! :D

Four months ago, who did you have a crush on?
Ahha... Same person I have a crush on now. <3

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Yeah. I might as well know.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching a movie

When did you last eat pizza?
When Owen made us some. :D

Are you currently frustrated with someone?
Yes.

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 21?
Owen Michael Nugent. :)

Is there a girl you absolutely can not stand?
Yes, unfortunately.

Your most recent ex best friend needs you at 3 am, do you go?
No, that's past my curfew. ;) Ahha jp, I'd risk it.

Have you graduated from high school?
Nope, I'm only a senior.

Have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you?
Never dated anyone.

Do you ever leave the house without make up on?
I did today and yesterday. :)

Do you expect to be married in the next two years?
No. Maybe the next four. :)

Have you kissed anyone today?
Nope!

Will you kiss anyone tomorrow?
Nope.

If you and your best friend got arrested, what would it be for?
Trespassing. Ahha..

Did you receive a good morning text from anyone?
No. I never get good morning texts. D:

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?
Yesss.. :/

What’s most important in a relationship: honesty or trust?
You can't have one without the other.

What time did you wake up this morning?
7:30

Besides your name, what else could your initials stand for?
PNV... I have no idea.

Are you a daredevil?
Not really. No.

Number of sweat pants you own?
One.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Nope.

Ever meet a celebrity?
Yes ma'am!

Do you like to play with fire?
To an extent.

What color is the carpet in the room your in right now?
I don't have carpet in my room.

What age do you want to get married at?
Before 25. :)

Whats your screen saver?
I don't know? Wow.

Do you like to do puzzles?
No, I hate puzzles.

Do you think someone is talking smack about you behind your back?
Yes. I'm almost sure they are.

How long have you lived in the house you live in now?
Seven years?

Will you be in a relationship one month from now?
Probably not.

Is your room clean?
No. D:

What are you listening to at the moment?
My movie.

Were you in a relationship 2 moths ago ?
Nope.

Think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them?
No. Not unless he'll marry me! :D Ahha..

Congratulations, you’re pregnant… you say?
What the heck?! This is impossible.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Talk to Tom.

Is your birthday soon?
No, it's in January. This is May..

Who do you wish was with you at the moment?
No one, I look like a bum. Haha..

How many pillows do you sleep with?
One.

Have you ever been in a perfect relationship?
Nope. I've never dated.

Do you think the person you like, has feelings for you?
I don't know. Not like that, I don't think.

Last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
The car. :)

The last time you saw your best friend, what did you do?

Talkkk :)

Is there anything you should be worried about?
No, I shouldn't worry about anything.

You’re up after 3:00am, what’s the reason?
I'm an idiot.

Are you in a relationship with anyone?
No.

What were you doing two hours ago?
Coming home from work. :)

What kind of mood are you in?
Missing somebody.


Could you go a day not talking?
I highly doubt it.

Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
No. :/

Do you hate the last person who called you?
Ryan? No way! :)

What is the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?
Clash of the Titans, my sister and daddy.

There's something beautiful about smiling when everything's wrong, not because you're trying to fake anyone out, but because you have that one tiny ray of sunshine to hold on to.

I have a couple rays of sunshine in my life right now, although I can't really say that everything is wrong. Of course, all the people I've mentioned below, plus the couple I want to call out right now.

You're so amazing
You shine like the stars
Tom, how did I even become your friend? I have no idea, but I love it. You make me laugh until my stomach hurts at something that isn't even all that funny, and I don't know how you do it. You can make me so angry, but it's easier to forgive you than I would have thought. It's been great meeting you and getting to the point that you are one of my best guy friends. I really don't know where I'd be without you.

You're so amazing
The beauty you are
Rachel, I don't even know where to begin. I've missed being close to you, I've missed being able to tell you things, I've missed sharing tears and smiles and laughs and insiders. I've watched you grow over the years from a distance, since we kind of fell out. I've watched you hurt, I've watched you laugh, I've watched you fall in love. You're such a beautiful person. I missed you. I love you. Keep clinging on to Christ.

You came blazing
Right into my heart
Ian... What to say? School is going to be no fun in the fall without you passing me notes and laughing at my doodles, making fun of me in the morning and waiting in your car just to say goodbye. You've taught me so much about God. (And politics, ahaha.. Even though I couldn't stand to think about it as much as you do, it would drive me crazy.) I love watching your walk with Him progress and praying for you and hoping everything becomes clear. You're so amazing, you bum. ;)

You're so amazing, you are.
Angel, you have no idea how much I look up to you. Every time I think about you and your walk, I wish I could be better at this thing called life. I miss you, and I hope you're having a good time in Vietnam. I hope that when you come back something good will have happened, instead of something bad. You're a beautiful person, in every way, even if you are glass-half-empty. :)

I hope your tears are few and fast
I hope your dreams come true at last
I hope you find love that goes on and on and on and on and on


I know life isn't easy for any one of you, but I hope you can push through. I hope you will end up saying that Christ was enough. Even if nothing that you're counting on right now is going to work out.

I hope you wish on every stay
I hope you never fall too far
I hope this world can see how wonderful you are


Song-Amazing by Janelle

If I Never Knew You..

I creep on Rachel's tumblr and steal her surveys. :)

-How old is the last person you kissed? Never kissed.

-How about the person before that? ...

-Were they good kisses? They will be, when I kiss someone.

-Are they good kissers? I don't know yet?

-How many times have you kissed them? Zero!

-Do you have a reason to smile right now? Yes ma'am! :)
-What was the last thing you purchased? Bubble gum. :D

-Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter T? nopee!

-Are you looking forward to anything? Sunday, Arizona, beach <3

-Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with? An actual conversation, Ryan Alan Webster and Thomas Michael Coulter at the same time. A kind of passing conversation, Corbin Jesmain.

-Are you bipolar? So the counselors at DSC tell me. They lie.

-What are you wearing on your feet? Nuffin!
-How many times do you talk on the phone a day on average? Hardly at all.

-Do you usually have weird dreams? When are they not weird?

-Do you like your bed? Indeed I do.

-What are you thinking about right now? Rachel Marie Hehre. :)

-What color is your keyboard? Black
-How has this past week been for you? Lazyy and awesome.

-Who are you very disappointed in right now? :/ That one kid I know with the blue eyes and the face.

-What song is stuck in your head? Better Than A Hallelujah by Amy Grant

-Will this weekend be a good one? Probably.

-Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? My lifeguard tank. My boss, Miss Bonny, I guess.

-Is the last person you hugged older than you? Nope!

-Has anyone gotten on your nerves lately? My sisters do that every day, but I love them. <3

-Who woke you up? The sunnn! 

-Do you miss someone? Ian Taylor and Owen Michael Nugent. :)

-What time did you wake up this morning? 7:30. Stupid brain.

-What is on your bed right now? Me! :P

-Is your bedroom clean? Yes ma'am!
-When’s the last time you cried? Wednesday night.
-Is anything wrong with your eyes? Allergies making them itch like fire.

-Do you have a bestfriend? Ahha, I do indeed.
-Who did you last say “I love you” to? Rachel, I think.

-Do you regret it? No way!
-Do you plan on moving within the next year? Nopee!

-Would you rather go to a baseball game or a football game? Baseball. :)

-Do you believe in true love? Indeed I do. <3

-Do you know what you’re wearing tomorrow? Lifeguard junk.

-Did you complete your 2009 goals? I have no idea what they even were.

-Are you anything like you were at this point last year? No, I've changed a lot.

-Last missed call? Some number I don't know.

-What were you doing at midnight? Sleepin'!

-Have you ever ‘done it’ in your room? Gross. I've never done it anywhere.

-Who were the last three people you texted? Rachel, Ryan, Tom.

-Do you thinks its cute when someone kisses your forehead? It sounds cute. Never happened to me.

-What did your last text say? "I thought it was Noel, but I just wanted to make suree :)"

-Who was it from? Rachel Marie Hehre. :)

-Is there something you need? I need you. ;)
-Do you have t-mobile? AT&T, babyy!
-What do you hear? Amy Grant singing.
-Why did your last kiss occur? Why are there all these kissing questions? I've never kissed anyone.

-Do you text? If I have someone to text.

-Have you ever lost a friend? Imissher.

-Were you in bed before eleven last night? Right around there.

-Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? Rachel? Oh. ;) Nope.

-If you could change your eye color what would it be? Blue

-Do you wake up cranky? Sometimes.

-How do you feel about smoking? Gross.

-Has anyone told you they love you in the last week? Today.

-Is it ever too late to apologize? Shouldn't be.
-Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? With Christ, nope.

-Last person you kissed calls you, what are they calling you for? ...

-Ready for winter to come? Kind of

You have Suffered Enough and Warred With Yourself...

It's Time That You Won.

Today, I was texting Rachel, asking her about her recent struggles which I will not go into on my blog. I'll post a link to her formspring and tumblr if you want to go solve the puzzle and get some insight into her story. But thinking about her and the stuff she's been through reminds me of my four years of battling extreme depression and loneliness.

Thinking back, I realized that I can't even remember how I got that way. It's like my brain completely blocked out the circumstances which caused it to give me some peace of mind. Anyway, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that although I have skeletons in my closet, and still have emotional, mental and other scars, I have Christ and his power is made perfect in my weakness.

So, goodbye four years. Goodbye hating myself. Goodbye putting myself down. Goodbye giving into the devil. Goodbye scaring the heck out of myself and the people I love the most. Goodbye being lonely even when I have Christ. I am now able to say "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7) This may not be the only race I have to run, but it's one that I have overcome. It's one that I have completed. I may have to do a victory lap, which might be hard when I recall the rocky places and see other people tripping over the same thing I tripped over, but I have won. All the glory to God.

Rachel's tumblr: you, me, and this mess we call love.

Rachel's formspring: Tell me something sweet to get me by;

"I Miss All The Little Things"

I wonder what he'd be like.

My little brother died when he was four months old. I only remember a few things about him. I remember that he was a sweet baby, I don't remember him crying at all, I do remember lying with him on his blanket and watching movies. I remember that he needed more sun. I remember that we used to rub baby oil on him. I remember that he still had blue eyes.

He'd be turning 14 in 13 days, making me three and half years older. But that's all I know. I wonder what he'd be like. I wonder if I would find him so annoying that I couldn't stand to be around him. I wonder if he'd try to come into my room and I'd kick him out. I wonder if he'd tease me about everything under the living sun.

But I don't think so. I'd like to think that we'd have an awesome bond. That he'd still be a tease, but that I'd be able to take it and tease back. That maybe he'd have some insight into the boys around me. That we could watch movies together. That he'd be good at frisbee. That he'd love to drive with me. That he'd be the most completely adorable 14 year old around.

This is why I like spending time with the boys I know that would be right around his age. Mikey, Josiah, Dewey, Danny, even Owen, although he's a bit older. I wonder if he'd be anything like any of them. I miss him.

Michael, you're the first person after Jesus I want to see when I get to heaven. Do you remember me? What does the sky look like in heaven? Is the baby that Mom miscarried a year ago a boy or a girl? I'm assuming she's a girl. Do you know her? Do you two know who we are? Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

I love you. <3

Beautiful Body vs. Beautiful Heart

Know what makes me really mad? I mean, really mad? When us women allow ourselves to be portrayed as sex objects. Like the only thing we're good for is looking pretty and giving pleasure.


Isn't that what we're taught from the time we first notice the girl on the magazine cover in the grocery store? What are the captions that go along with those pictures? "How to have great sex"? Wow. Like the only woman who can give great sex is a woman with a barbie stomach and breasts that can barely fit into a bikini top. And like sex is the most important thing on earth. Like that's all we're here for. We see this girl in her flowing hair, big, made-up eyes, full lips, striking her pose and automatically go, "hey, if I had that, maybe all the guys would flock to me!"


First off, we're right. Guys tend to flock to the hottest, most out-there girl, but only for a time. Those girls are eye-candy, great for a moment, but lose their flavor all too quickly. There will always be a sexier woman out there. Secondly, shame on those women for continuing the stereotype that terrific bodies and sex is all women are good for. 


And yet, don't we do it all the time? Don't even we Christian women continue the stereotype by trying to slim down to nothing, hitting the beach in bikinis, or wearing shirts that come down to the point of near immodesty? Don't we spend hours on our hair, or pile on eyeliner and mascara to bring out our already beautiful eyes? Don't we wear shorts that might just be a little tiny bit too short, and think nothing of it?

I'm not saying we need to stop wanting to be beautiful. I think it's something that God put in us to want to be pretty and attractive to the men in our lives. After all, don't we want our husbands to be attracted to us? But what kind of attraction is going to be in place if it's only for how willing to reveal ourselves we are? We can be pretty without revealing anything.


One of the best things anyone has ever said to me was said by one of my good friends that I met at Daytona State. After a couple weeks of getting to know each other, he said, "y'know, the first time you walked into my class, I knew you were a Christian. You're modest in your dress, and you look like you have something more". And this is the same person who says things like, "you have beautiful hair", "as pretty as you are" and "you're way too hard on yourself".


Only women can stop this stereotype. As long as we're flaunting it, boys are gonna be gaping, and little girls are going to want to be like that.


So what's more lovely? A woman with a great body, or a woman with a beautiful heart?

The Best Moments

Today I realized that sometimes the best moments are ones where you say something stupid, when you laugh over something that's not even funny, or when someone teases you relentlessly. I have a few stories I'll tell, although you might find them boring.

Erica and I were Lifeguarding together a few weeks ago, and I was going through the checklist that we have for closing. I looked up at her when I was done and calmly asked "what month is it?" She replied, just a coolly "April". The patron nearby freaked out, and Erica politely told her that the chemicals in the air make us like this by the end of winter. I don't know how often that woman will be returning to the indoor pool. :)

Ryan & Tom were sitting one on each side of me on Tuesday. I have no idea what Ryan thought was so funny. Maybe it was the way Tom was looking at him, I don't know. Anyway, he just started giggling. Then I started giggling. Then Tom laughed. We were all laughing in a matter of seconds. I still don't know what we were laughing at. :)

Owen was sitting next to me at church on Wednesday. I noticed that he was carrying around his knife, which he always has on his person. I tsk tsked at him. "What are you doing with a concealed weapon in church?" I asked. His reply? "It's Deltona, you always need concealed weapons."

Me: "I used to live in Deltona and I didn't need any knives."

Him: "That was years ago, before you were cute."

Me: (:

Him: "Oh wait, that hasn't happened yet."

Me: D:

Ah, he always makes me laugh. And I know he was just kidding. At least, I hope he was. :)

Oh, You Make Me Smile!

Me: I need summer.

Tom: I need you. I mean, what?!

Me: Owen, ride with me!

Owen: Why?

Me: Because I don't like being alone.

Ian: Oh. ;)

Me: Shut up.

Me: Shut your cake hole.

Dewey: Goodskjdfhssfl...

Me: What?

Dewey: That was me telling you good night with a shut cake hole.

Rachel: "You Are My Sunshine" is my great uncle's song! So technically, through four generations, it's mine now.

"There are more fish in the sea..."

Me and Rachel: IMMA FISH! :D

Paul: You complete me. In the most friendly way possible.

<3

Yeah, it's really long.

If I looked on the bed next to you, what would I find?
Clothes

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?
Closed.

Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawer or just thrown in?
Thrown in, I don’t have time for folding! :P

Sleep on your back or stomach?
Stomach, but I usually fall asleep on my side.

Are you a cuddler?
Ahh, indeed I am if someone will cuddle me! :)

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
Papers. My bed has a drawer under it.

Something that happened today that made you angry?
Stupid computer. >:[

What were you doing before this survey?
Eating dinner with Daddy.

What will you do after the survey?
Probably creep on tumblr and steal photos.

Marriage or living together?
Marriage. <3

What shirt are you wearing now?
All For One retreat t-shirt.

Do you sing?
Only when no one can hear me. :)


Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I talk about them to some people, hide them from others.

Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
Yeah. :\

First thing you do when you wake up?
Try to go back to sleep.

Ever had surgery?
Ahh, nope. :)

Last argument you got into with?
A real argument, I can’t remember. A stupid little fight, Ian Taylor Nugent. :)

Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
Ah, sometimes. But I don’t really like to.

What’s one good thing about your best friend?
She knows how to make me laugh harder than anyone else does.

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
A long time.

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
Nope. I have this weird thing about not being able to sleep in. Ugh.

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
Going out to Arizona! Ah, I miss it so much. :) Oh, and spending more time with the bestfriends.

It’s midnight. Who are you texting?
Thomas Michael Coulter.

It’s Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually?
At work. Blah.

Honestly, if you could have ANYONE in the world, who would it be?
:\ I just want him.

Your Christmas list consists of?
I have no idea.

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
Macy’s or Khols

How do you feel about your hair?
I love my hair. :)

What movie is in your DVD player?
Hmm, I don’t have anything in there right now.

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
No where. I like it here.

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
Hmm, not that much. I really don’t have many preferences as long as they take care of themselves.

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I finished this semester finally! :D

Who are your top five friends?
Paul Anthony Tolvo, Elisabeth Catlin Brunnig, Thomas Michael Coulter, Bridgette Marie Coulter and Ryan Alan Webster.

What would you change about your life right now?
:\ I think most of you who know me know the answer.

What’s the best feeling in the world?
Being pulled off the ground in a hug. :)

Whats your favorite color gummy bear?
Ahh, I don’t know. I haven’t eaten those in so long.

What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex’s body?
Smile.

Have you ever made up/sang a song for someone you cared about?
Ah, yes I have.

Ever had a song sang about/for you?
I’ve had one written for me, but not actually sang.

Is there a baby in the room with you right now?
No, my baby sister is gone! D:

Do you know how to dance?
I love to dance.

Where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other?
In the car, when I’m all alone. :)

What is your favorite thing that is green?
Leaves.

What did your last text message say?
“Why?”-Thomas Michael Coulter.

What is your middle name?
Noel

What is the way to your heart?
Be totally willing to surrender to Christ.

The person who has your heart is knocking on your door. Quick! What do you do?
:) What are you doing here?

Your friend kisses the boy/girl you like, what do you do?
D: Nonononono...

Last time you laughed your head off?
Yesterday with Dewey.

What do you want right this second?
To know what to do with this boy.

How are you sitting?
Laptop on my lap. :)

Your mood?
Uncertain.

If you could change one thing this year about your life would you?

Yeah... That what we want would be compatible.
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Ryan Alan Webster :)

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
I don’t think I liked anyone, actually.

What were you doing last night at midnight?
Sleeping.

Waiting for something?
Yes, I am. <3

Was yesterday terrible?
Oh no. Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a while.

Did you accept or reject your last friend request?
Reject.

Whats your favorite number?
8

Your last received call?
Ian Taylor Nugent, I think.

What’s the last message in your outbox say?
“I don’t know. I’m scared.” - To Tom

Do you think the person you like cares for you?
He does, just not like that, sadly.

Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong?
Yes.

Do you give out second chances way to easily?
Only up to a certain point.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone?
No, but pretty late.

What were you doing at 10:00 this morning?
Getting ready for school.

What did you do last night?
With the boys, church, with the boys again. :)

What cell phone company do you use?
AT&T

What was the weather like today?
A little warm but really nice.

Where did your last hug take place?
Daytona State College, DeLand campus, to the right of bldg. 4, with Ian Taylor Nugent.

Last person you spoke to?
My Daddy.

Are you ticklish?
Indeed I am.

Are your ears pierced?
Mhm!

Bar soap or body wash?
Body Wash.

Do you chew on your straws?
Nope.

Do you have curly hair?
No, it’s a little wavy.

Where did you go today?
School.

What 1 item do you always pick up at the grocery store?
Gummm! :)

What is something you say a lot?
I’m fine. (NoI’mNot)

What are you doing tonight?
Sleeping?

Do you have a nickname?
Little Bird :)

Is there anyone you like right now?
Ah, yes. <33

Did you cry today?
Yes. I miss my sisters and my mommy! D:

How big is your bed?
Twin.

Do you know someone with the same birthday as you?
Nope.

Do you have a globe in your house?
Somewhere around here.

Number of pillows you sleep with?
One

What type of watch do you wear?
None. 

Can you play pool?
Nope, I fail.

Craziest place you have slept?
Floor of co-op.

What last made you laugh?
Tom! :)

What were you doing last night around 3 am?
Sleeping!

If you HAD to kiss someone right now, who would it be?
Paul, on the cheek. :P

Have you ever slapped anyone?
Yes, sir. D:

What was the last thing you drank?
Dr. Pepper

Do you think there are circumstances when it’s okay to wait for someone?
I’m waiting on him right now.

Is there anyone in the room with you?
Nope. Daddy’s in the next room though.

Are you wearing anything on your feet?
No, sir!

What’s your last scar from?
Stupid gravel.

Can you count on anyone to be there for you? always?
Ian Taylor Nugent. Except when he has baseball hahahaha..

Do you ever miss your past?
Only parts of it.

Is it possible to be single and happy?
Yes, indeed! I don’t know any other way. :)

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Forgive. It’s so hard to forget.

Do you think being “heart broken” is as bad as people say?
Yeah. It is. It’s really bad.

When is your birthday?
January 3, 1993

Do you prefer ily, or i love you?
I Love You.

Will you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend in 6 months?
Ahha. I doubt it.

Have you ever been so embarrassed that you cried?
Yeah.. :\

Do you live near your friends? 

Some, but not many.

Ask?

Formspring:

Say What You Need To Say...

Say What You Need To Say...

Say What You Need To Say...

She's Amazing.

Meet Angel Meeks, the girl I've had the best conversations with.

She...

-Is like really amazingly beautiful.

-Loves McDonalds.

-Loves Dr. Pepper.

-Got me addicted to Dr. Pepper.

-Is sometimes seen as arrogant, but really isn't when you get to know her.

-Is so smart that sometimes I feel like an idiot.

-Has been able to resolve that God is enough, and I'm so jealous of her for that.

-Knows more about me than most people, probably because I know she won't betray me.

-Is a great listener, but can hold her own in conversation.

-Has a hispanic boy's name. (Ahha, yes I did have to put that in there :D)

Angel, I could listen to you for hours. You're an amazing model of how I wish I could be.

You make Every Day Worth It.

I Will Go Down With This Ship

So I Know...
It's like all I talk about is him.

















But he's on my mind so much. Like, I don't even know how to stop thinking about him. I was ready to give him up, but my friends wouldn't let me. I was ready to move on, but then I saw him again and I couldn't let go. I was ready to take my heart back and give it to someone else who would actually return my feelings, but he still has a hold on it that he doesn't even know about.


i love it when i look at my hand next to his and realize how cute it would be for my little hand to be in his big one. i love it when i talk about him to Tom or Rachel and they won't let me give up. i love it when everyone notices that we'd be perfect. i love it when i draw hearts on my paper next to you, but you don't even know that they're for you.


Maybe one day I'll work up the courage to post his name in here. I might as well. He's like the only one who doesn't know who he is.


-Tabi&Angel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry I sound so typical.
-Tom, if you're reading this, help me.
-Rachel, if you're reading this, text me.
-Ryan, if you're reading this, I need a hug.
-Ian, if you're reading this, sing me one of your songs.
-Patrick, if you're reading this, pray for me.
-Betsy, if you're reading this, I need to spend more time with you.
-Paul, if you're reading this, I need a kiss on the cheek and an "everything's gonna be all right".


I give up.


I don't give up.


Because you make Every Day Worth It.


Okay, no more posting about him for a while. He isn't the only one who makes Every Day Worth It.

Oh, God...


Don't let this happen, please. I love him so much. He's one of my best friends. He's the one I run to when I need a hug. He's the one I test late at night when the tears are coming too fast to call.


He doesn't know how much this hurts. I can't look at it. I can't look him in the eye tomorrow. 


I can't do this.


Please don't go where I can't follow you.

Five Stages of Lifeguarding

Alert

Description: Actively scanning, eyes bright, leaning forward in chair.

Time Elapsed: 0-30 minutes

Functionality: High

Need for a break: Not needed (but appreciated!)

Length of break needed: less than five minutes

Facial Expression: :D

Trance

Description: Leaning back or chin in hands, legs may be swinging, slightly glazed look, mind elsewhere.

Time Elapsed: 30 Minutes-1.5 hours

Functionality: Able

Need for a break: Minimal

Length of break needed: 5-10 minutes

Facial Expression: (:

Boredom

Description: Staring despondently, leaning all the way back, legs swinging rapidly, great sighs erupting periodically.

Time Elapsed: 1 hour+

Functionality: Moderate

Need for a break: Greatly desired

Length of break needed: 10-15 minutes

Facial expression: /:

Pre-Dementia

Description: Falling asleep in guard chair, eyelids heavy, no longer actively scanning, jaw-splitting yawns, short temper.

Time Elapsed: 3+ hours

Functionality: Low

Need for a break: Extreme

Length of break needed: 30 minutes

Facial expression: D:

Dementia

Description: Crying under sunglasses, wondering how on earth to survive the rest of the shift, slapping self to avoid falling asleep, unable to interact with members without snapping.

Time Elapsed: 4-6+ hours

Functionality: Inept.

Need for a break: URGENT! Failure to provide break may prove fatal.

Length of break needed: Rest of the day off.

Facial expression: D’:<