When You Smile,

My whole world stops and stares for a while. :)

You always know how to make me feel better.

I wish I could do the same for you.

I Am Not My Own;

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me." Galatians 2:20

Now, I'm not saying I'm the epitome of this verse, here. However, I do think of my past self as gone completely done away with. I don't even think of myself as the same person anymore. There are some things I will never tell anyone about my past self, because she is no longer me. She's no longer here, she's dead and gone, she's been done away with. All the glory to Christ.

Don't You Know Who You Are?

There's not too much I can do to help, I know. I know. It's not me, it's all Christ. All for Christ. I just hope you know, you mean the world to me.

If that helps at all.

What You've Got, Boy, Is Hard To Find.

I'm Gonna Miss Working With Them...

Will: "So you're gonna be out here with me!"
Me: "No, I'm in the indoor pool."
Will: "Oh. You suck."

Will: (About a patron) "He probably would've suffocated you if he tried to hug you."
Me: "I would've called Jake to get him off."
Will: "What? Why not me?"

Patrick: "So.. is there anything new?"
Me: "You mean in the 19 hours since you last asked? No."

Patrick: "Pssst. We're making you do all the work because you make a run for icees without telling us."

Patrick: "You need some help with the lane lines?"
Me: "Sure!"
Patrick: "I'll go get Erica, then."

P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.

Me: "What if there's an unawesome Phoebe out there?"
Tom: "There isn't one."

:) I love him.

That's not fair. Don't do something to me and then tell me not to do it.

It's whatever. I love you.

However, (I don't want to fight) but that's really not fair.

Stubborn.

But I can be stubborn too. Just watch me.

I'm Running Myself to the Ground, Here.

"It's not a human walk, it's the human race." –– Nickelback

     Something I noticed in the song "This Afternoon" by Nickelback is the line above. (Not that I am recommending that song. In fact, I recommend against it. It's not really a good song.) How true is that? All I try to do in my life is cram in as many activities as I can. I need more hours at work. I want to go to bible study, middle school, youth group, and sunday morning services at my church. I'm taking two summer classes so that I can finish my AA by the time I graduate highschool. I want to go to the beach with my best friends. I want to go to the springs with my family. I want to go visit the boys, whom I haven't seen in a while. No wonder I need a nap every afternoon. I pretty much live by the idea that I've gotta race against everyone and everything to get done what needs to be done, whether I would like to admit it or not.

"We've only got 86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away. We've gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we've got the chance to say, gotta live like we're dying." –– Kris Allen

     The truth is, it is kind of a race. But even racers need pauses. After all, if we were running all the time, we'd get too exhausted to finish. I'm taking the time right now to take a nap (yay!). Even if you don't have the time for a nap right now, relax. Breathe real slow. Pray. One second of peace might be all you need. 

Dear Everybody,

To all you people who are hurting, find someone who do this for you. Someone who can absolutely do this, the someone at the top of my list, is Jesus Christ all the way.

I mean, read the psalms. They are packed full of love. Read the gospels, read the words Jesus said. They are like, smack-you-in-the-face love.

"...Love one another, even as I have loved you..." (John 13:34)

"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

And don't forget: "Greater love has no one than this, that he would lay his life down for his friends." (John 15:13)

It's Something Called Love

And it will never cease to confuse me. But I will never stop loving. Because love is beautiful.

No Worries

You got this. Life is a confusing thing. Friends come and go. Family can be aggravating. Love leaves strong feelings. Relax.

Just breathe.

Almost Finished

I finished my term paper yesterday. :) Then I found out it wasn't due for another two weeks. I could've spent all that time on my sociology test instead, but it's okay. At least it's done. Now as soon as I get some lunch in me, I will beast that sociology test.

I Miss Him.

I Don't Get It

It's not like I tried to do that. I could never replace you as a friend to him. It's just not happening.

It would help if people tried.

College is Just a Year Away!

I'm scared.

I'm scared to leave my friends, my best friends, the boy I like, my youth pastor, my church, my home, my family, my life...

Because what if I make new best friends, what if I meet another boy and have to decide (horror), what if I like the pastor over there better, what if I don't want to come back home?

Ay... At least it's a year away. :)

Songs Make Me Happy!

So I love this song called Smile by Uncle Kracker. Whenever I'm down, one of my good friends either sings it to me, writes it down on a piece of paper, or messages a section of it to me. Cheers me up all the time.

Another song that makes me feel awesome is the song When You Come Home by Mark Shultz. I don't actually know why, it's kind of a sad song in a way. But I love it. I can't find a good version of it on youtube, though. Which makes me sad.

My Wish by Rascal Flatts is amazing. Another song I turn to when I'm feeling bad. Such an encouraging, sweet, happy song.

Ay, the song Arise My Love is so powerful. Our church does a performance to that song every year on Easter, which is incredible. Gives me chills. For real, it's amazing. I actually try not to listen to that song during the year, haha, so it can be special for Easter.

Also, I simply adore the song I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe. I'm not a big MercyMe fan. That song is actually one of the two I like by MercyMe, but I love it. The beautiful piano, the lyrics, everything.

Finally, I like the first part of the song My Jesus by Todd Agnew. As it goes on, I like it less and less just because of the music and the repetitiveness, but the beginning makes you think.

Take Me Away

Let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Let's get rich and build a house up on a mountain makin' everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I

You and I <3

Naps. :)

So I've noticed that if I don't take a nap before going to school every day, I almost fall asleep on the road. Make fun of me all you want, but I'm not kidding. I was literally slapping myself to wake up on Tuesday and I had to lay down in my car when I finally got to school for a ten minute nap before I went to my class. It was crazy.

I hate feeling like I'm gonna die, which I really do feel like when I drive that tired, so I'm going to take a nap now. <3

Overload!

So today I have a test which I have barely studied for. I have a take-home test that's due on Monday which is supposed to take me about three hours. I have a term paper due next Thursday which I don't even have a topic for. I have another quarterly paper due next Thursday, as well as three abstracts due by August 16, which I haven't even thought about at all.

Thank you, Lord, for having Cattie cover for me today. 'Cause I don't know how I'm going to get it all done.

I Should Probably Do Homework.

But I'm too busy being happy today.

"The one who deserves your tears won't make you cry."

I actually highly disagree with this statement. Just because someone makes you cry doesn't mean that they aren't worth it. Maybe it just means that they are so worth it that it makes you cry when everything looks like it's falling apart.

 Maybe it means they are so worth it that when your world is breaking because of them, you don't care how many tears roll down your face for them.

"Next Time Someone Says the Water is too Cold, I'm Going to go Ballistic."

Ah, my lovely patrons sometimes make my day, are sometimes creepy, and sometimes are just silly. 


Patron: "Well, hello there you beautiful little thing, you."

Patron: "Know what the best thing about swimming laps in here is? The scenery."
Me: "Oh. That's not weird at all."
Will and Jake: "Ahahaha!"

Patron: "The water is too cold! What's the temperature?"
Me: "83, degrees, ma'am."
Patron: "Well, it feels like 63!"

Me: "Ma'am, this pool is closed."
Patron: "This pool?"
Me: "Yes, ma'am."
Patron: "Well, I'm just going to do my water walking."
Me: "No, you can't. This pool is closed."
Patron: "So I can't swim in here?"
Me: *sigh* "Miss Bonny, help!"

New Blog

I'm getting ready to make a new blog for the new school year, considering how many posts I have on here. I don't know what it's going to be called yet, and it won't be that much different than this one, except I hope a bit happier, but it will probably be up mid-late August. As soon as I think of a name. :)

When I make a new one, I probably won't be posting on this one anymore, so I will post a link to the new one on this blog.

"This isn't the real world."

"You're too young to have problems."
"This isn't real life."
"You're not ready for the real world yet."


So something that really kind of bothers me is when people say things like the above. Adults seem to have a fondness for saying things like that, and granted, I will probably be saying them when I'm older. But I hope I remember just how hard it was to be a teenager.


Because this is the time of your life when you find out who you are. This is when you're forming the foundation of who you will be for the rest of your life, and it is freaking hard. When we were little, half the girls wanted to be ballerinas, and half the boys wanted to be firefighters. Now that we're growing up, we realize that can't happen for everyone, and that everyone is different. But we hate being different. We want to conform to society and fit in with all the other teens, while also trying to find ourselves.


This obviously doesn't work. Therefore, this is one of the most frustrating times of (gasp!) life! And yes, its real life. Its a part of real life, you have to go through this stage that may seem meaningless later on to become the person who scoffs at the problems of teenagers. Its the real world, for our age! We may not be paying a mortgage or climbing the corporate ladder or trying to feed many hungry mouths, but this is the real world for our age.


One thing that would be helpful for teens to remember would be that they don't have to be like the rest of the world! Broken hearts and drama doesn't have to be "real life". Although, I have little room to talk, have you been reading my blog? So don't follow my example, please please please. Instead, remember Romans 12:2, and transform your life into a thing of beauty, that you won't look back and regret in later years.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

I Need Smiles.

So come back smiling. <3

Maybe I Think You're Cute And Funny :)

 

Good Morning, World!

I will be happy today.

Happy?

Okay so, here's a day where I wake up happy. I miss my friends who are currently in another state, I barely know my best friend anymore (but we're working on it), I don't get to help with vbs at all, I have a term paper due next week that I haven't even thought about, I have a test on Thursday that I haven't studied for... But I don't care.

I just felt like screaming to the world that I'm happy. Right now, this moment, this morning. I'm happy.

God heard my call out.

This is a call out...

Have you ever felt this way before?

'Cause I don't wanna hide here anymore

Take me to the place where nothing's wrong

and thanks for coming, shut the door

And they say someone out there sees us

Well if you're real, then save me, Jesus

'Cause I've been here for far too long,

I wasn't meant to be alone

And now I'm calling out to you

This is a call, this is a call out

'cause every time I fall down

I reach out to you

And I'm losing all control now

and my hazard signs are all out

I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about

Show me what this life is all about.

Let My Joy Return

Oh God, if you're still listening, let my joy return. Let me be happy again. I was happy. I am happy. I want to be happy. I want to stay happy.

But it's like, when I work on one thing, something else falls apart.

I Would Take That Back

I'm so stupid.

No wonder people secretly hate me.

God, are you still out there?

It's All For You

The cross before me, the world behind
No turning back, raise the banner high
It's not for me, it's all for You

Let the heavens shake and split the sky
Let the people clap their hands and cry
It's not for us, it's all for You

Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory
Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory

Our hearts unfold before Your throne
The only place for those who know
It's not for us, It's all for You

Send Your holy fire on this offering
Let our worship burn for the world to see
It's not for us, It's all for You


Oh Lord, let me be all for you. 'Cause I'm living my life now all for me, and I know this isn't who I'm supposed to be. I want to be all for you. <3

I don't mean that I'm done.

I just wanted you to know how much it hurts when you ignore me, brush me off, and refuse to speak to me. You know now. And maybe it wasn't the best idea in the first place, but at least you know.

Just know that I'm crying right now, wishing I hadn't done that to you.

Meet Thomas Michael Coulter

The kid who holds me together.

Yes, he gets embarrassed when I take too many photos. Yes, he is really sarcastic. Yes, he sometimes texts one word texts. But we have insiders, long texts, we laugh, we pray, we listen to each other, we never fight, we support each other. And I thank God all the time for this kid.

So Tom, about that proposal you owe me? :D Thanks for being there.

Just remember, Darling, all the while..

Pardon Me While I Diverge...

This=My life. I miss my little brother. I want someone to tell me everything's going to be okay, even if they can't fix it. 


I'm sick of fighting.
I'm sick of trying.
I'm sick of being the first one to do everything.
I'm sick of being blamed. 
I'm sick of you blaming yourself.
I'm sick of being horrible.
I'm sick of texting him because I don't talk to you.
I'm sick of praying about this.
I'm sick of expectations.
I'm sick of dreams being unreasonable.


I'm sick of being the worst best friend on earth.

These Little Wonders Still Remain

I love this song. it's kind of like my life song. 


All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now.


These small hours still remain. <3

I Could Really Use A Wish Right Now

I don't mind that you have other friends.
I don't mind that you and I don't talk as much as we used to.
I don't care if you don't always know the right thing to say.
I don't care if you're not perfect.
It's okay if you can't spend as much time with me as you used to.
It's okay if you don't do everything right.

I just wish you would remember how much fun we had. Because you've always made Every Day Worth It.

You still do.

Just For You,

Don't Forget, You're Golden

There's a fear that burns like trash inside
And your shame of the curse that burns your eyes
You've been hiding in your bedroom,
Hoping this isn't how the story has to go
It's not the way it goes,
It's your book now,

Golden,
You are Golden, child
You are Golden
Don't let go!
Don't let go tonight!

Beauty.

"I have the world's best sister! She's very, very beautiful!! And very loving, and I love her like crazy!" -- My unbiological little brother.


So I feel like I must be hogging the world's love. It's kind of unfair that someone loves me this much, when so many other people need way more love than me.

To all of the ladies: You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Even if you can't believe that you're beautiful on the outside (which you are), you have the potential to be beautiful on the inside with help from the Lord. Never forget that, because there's at least one person whose world lights up when you walk into the room. There's someone who loves your smile and would do anything to make you laugh.

To all of the gentlemen: I'm not sure you would like it if I called you beautiful, but not only do you have your own strength, but you have an even bigger opportunity than the ladies do to become like Christ. (After all, Christ wasn't a woman) Use your life to become the picture of Jesus that you were made to be! Also, like the ladies, don't forget that there's someone out there who gets butterflies when they see you, someone who loves your hugs, and someone who just likes to listen to your voice.

You are beautiful.

P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.

You Think You Ruined My Life...

What you don't get is that you saved my life.

You make Every Day Worth It.

Yeah, you make my day.

I love how he never fails to tell me "you're beautiful" and "I love you."

I love you back, little brother. And I never say it enough. Thank you for always being the first one to love. <3

Everything Will Be All Right

My poor friend, ahaha... I get upset, I argue, I complain. But he puts up with it through it all. And then he calls and says he is wondering if everything is okay because I'm not putting smileys on my messages like I usually do.

For all the times I've said he doesn't really get it, maybe he gets it, just in a different way.

Thank you for calling.

I Mess Everything Up

Why the heck do I let my mouth go like that? I mean everything I say, but I don't say it the way I mean it. This is why I hate the phone. They don't really get my point. This is also why I'm such a quiet person. I freaking hate speaking my mind.

Kthxilybye.

Yes, they're pretty fly.

<3

(Eww, I'm so dark ahaha..)

I love you, best friend

All I want

is for you to see

I love the way you look at me.

I love the way you make my day.

I love all the things you say.

I love everything we've been through.

It may not be easy, but at least

I still have you.

Sometimes it hurts,

sometimes we break,

but there's something about this

we just can't shake.

So keep on praying,

keep believing 

and hoping and seeing

that no matter where you go

or what happens to me

I'll always love you

I don't ever want to leave.

I Break.

So I cried for the first time in two weeks yesterday. But it was okay, because my best friend and little brother was there to hold me.

I love that.

Let's Just Put This Behind Us...

It hurts me to watch you cry and worry about this. I won't be better off without you. Best friends? <3

Darling,

Even if the answer turns out to be no, I just don't want to let you go.

Don't Leave.

I love us.

<3

Dear Best Friend,

I'll never hate you. 

Don't walk out of my life.

I Freaking Love Him...

But he hurts so badly. I wish I could fix everything.

Dear Life #7,

I hate how we make up, but I'm still slowly falling out. Is it my fault? It's always my fault.

kthxbye.

& Maybe It Will All Work Out...

I said I was done waiting on you.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can't imagine waiting on anyone else.

You Are So Fly. :)

So I love talking to that little brother of mine about absolutely nothing at all.

Dear Life #6,

I'm gross from lifeguarding and I just tried on a bunch of clothes that someone gave me, which apparently I'm too short for. I feel good about myself now.

I want clothes that fit. Thanks.

So I Went Fishing...

For the first time today! Did I catch anything? Sadly, no. I didn't. But I did make some good casts, although a great many more failed miserably. Ian Taylor hooked my hair on one of his casts. Dewey sat and made fun of me. Danny taught me how to do it right, and was actually the one who suggested fishing in the first place. Owen didn't fish with us, but he did come all the way out to the dock to bring me a hair tie since I didn't have one.

I love them. They make me happy. :)

And I Will Always Love You

So I used to know everything. Now you think I don't care.

I care. Your eyes are sad.

I Love It When You Love Me

So there's this one kid. And he's like my little brother. And I love him to death. And he just makes me happy when it seems like there's nothing to be happy about.

I Can't Wait To Wait On You

Wait To Wait <--- This is a link, click it!

This guy is the bomb.com. He was the worship leader at youth for the longest time, has taken some time out of his own life to assist me in mine, loves the Lord and is just plain awesome.

Clayton, I hope you go far! :)

P.S. World, I hope you can view this video. :P

Dear Life #5,

Stop giving me so much crap, will you?

I'm Back!

I missed you. :) Now, what to write about?